Attack of the Ohioan Turkeys

You are a hunter, hunting turkeys for Thanksgiving. Despite being a very profitable job this time of year, and being seemingly low risk to people in other areas, it is very very dangerous. Why, you may ask? You live in Ohio. The very place that was so insane that it is, according to Google, the setting for Elden Ring. You cant just drive away, the Ohighway is covered in potholes! Also the turkeys have spaceships and teleporters this year and can fly for some reason so that doesnt help... In Ohio...