LAUNCH CODES

Welcome to the Heptagon, home to our nations most secretive military super-secrets. By far the most secretive secret stored here is the infamous trio of LAUNCH CODES, which are capable of activating the KILL EVERYBODY MISSILE (which does exactly what youd think it would do). As an International Tactical Criminal Hacker Investigations Operative (ITCHIO), youve been informed that the USSR (Unbelievably Sneaky Socialist Republic) has infiltrated the top ranks of our countrys military with an unbeli...